Knot Bad

For those of you who know me well (or have met me for even two seconds), you know that I have struggled for some time with a Neck Demon and his older brother, Jaw Demon.  Today, the two were fighting over something silly and, BOY, did it get ugly.

So I went to see one of those massage chair dudes that I always see at our mall.  You know the ones.  I’ve toyed with the idea for about six months, but have always been slightly hesitant at the thought of relinquishing my tender, damaged neck muscles to a perfect stranger with an odd-looking chair in the mall.  You want me to sit how?  Wait, didn’t I just see you use that karate chop technique on that guy next to me?  You really learned that at massage school?  Wait, you didn’t GO to massage school?

After today’s fiasco inside my neck slash jaw, I decided I had no other choice but to go give them a try.  I was desperate.  So I did and what ensued was violent and also wonderful all at the same time.  My introduction to this carpet-square in the mall involved Massage Boss Lady trying to shove me into the funky chair and bombarding me with “12-dolla-10-minute-no-discount-24-dolla-25-minute-is-DISCOUNT.”  And before I knew it, I had signed up for the low-low price of $24 for a 25-minute massage.  Fool.  I should have asked for a sample first.

My therapist was enthusiastic, nay frenzied, as he kneaded my shoulders and karate-chopped my back.  Yes, he karate-chopped my back.  And my legs.  And my arms.  There were moments during my massage that I tried to imagine myself receiving electroconvulsive therapy.  Shocks, people.  I think shock therapy and beatings massages from Mall Massage Therapist Number Two probably produce the same result in terms of the thrash-factor.  I definitely flailed.  At one point I was moving so much to and fro that I actually started laughing and he stopped to ask me if I was okay.  Oh yes, kind sir, I am more than okay.

Despite the (many) moments of violence, there were points in the massage that were very helpful and stress-relieving.   I left Mr. Massager Number Two’s chair feeling much more relaxed than when I was first yanked into it.  Will I go back?  Maybe in a few weeks or months or maybe many, many months or maybe 2009.  We’ll see how things pan out.  Maybe his berserk magical karate tricks healed my neck permanently.

(picture courtesy of Google images)

~ by andtheivy on Monday, August 6, 2007.